Did several copies of "The Preppy Handbook" throw up on
Usher? The crooner is just an upturned collar and a request
for Grey Poupon away from achieving total Brooks Brothers overload in a
cringe-worthy collage of gentle pastels. He pairs his delicate pink shirt with a
baby blue seersucker tie and lavender sweater, which he's thrown jauntily around
his shoulders. To these dainty hues, he adds pristine white pants and shoes.
Sure, it takes a confident man to wear togs that are "delicate" and "dainty,"
but that doesn't make Usher look any less like he's taking sartorial inspiration
from a basket of Easter eggs.
No matter what
Toni Braxton thinks, there will never come a time when a
soiree's dress code calls for "black-tie swimwear." The singer inexplicably
dresses up a deep-V, high-cut one-piece bathing suit with fishnet stockings,
mile-high heels and a sequined-trimmed coverlet stolen from Liberace's pool
house. The regrettable result is a look that unites the classiness of a Sin City
showgirl with the timeless and understated elegance of a Solid Gold dancer.
We'd better just refer to
Janet as "Ms. Jackson" from here on out, because things are
about to get nasty. Sadly, the chanteuse is a mess from the top of her Jiffy-Pop
hair (complete with limp, vision-obscuring bangs) to the bottom of her poufy
striped skirt. Did Ms. Jackson glance at her shower curtain while preparing for
her big photo op and think, "Hey, how great would I look in that?" And did she
really think that attaching said curtain to her cute and curvy figure -- thereby
making her hips and legs appear several feet wider than they actually are --
would be flattering? Toss in that mismatched knotted shirt stolen off the back
of Joanie from "Happy Days" and you have togs more tragic than a slumber party
at Neverland.
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neebs
