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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke!
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Ladies, tired of having a VPL?  You have two options:

Go Commando

Wear Backless Undies

These helpful hints brought to you by Gene Weingarten's humor chat on

Good Song

Jun. 2nd, 2006 11:28 am
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I heard this song for the first time today and I really like it.

Keith Urban, She's Gotta Be

So much for never makin' the same mistake
I can't believe I'm here again
So much for ever thinkin' that I could change
My good intentions still remain in chains

She's gotta be over me now
Probably moved on with her life
Found someone she knows she can believe
God I would give anything if I could just go back again
And be the man she needed me to be

I thought I was a hero
I played him well
He saves the day but not himself
I acted out the lover
My finest part
Had all the lines but not the heart
No look where we are

She's gotta be over me now
Probably moved on with her life
Found someone she knows she can believe
God I would give anything if I could just go back again
And be the man she needed me to be

Be the man that she could trust, who put her first
Who tamed his demons, who healed her hurts
In health and sickness, who helped her grow
With no resentment, true repentance, God as my witness

She's gotta be over me now
Probably moved on with her life
Found someone she knows she can believe
God I would give anything if I could just go back again
And be the man she needed me to be

She needed me to be
She needed me to be, oh
Whoa, hallelujah
Yeah, I could be that man she needed me, she needed me to be
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Reasons why DHS has cut anti-terror funding for New York City:

No Icons, No Monuments Worth Protecting

June 01, 2006 12:18 PM

Richard Esposito Reports:

Nm_skyline_060601_nrNew York has no national monuments or icons, according to the Department of Homeland Security form obtained by ABC News. (Click here for the actual document.) That was a key factor used to determine that New York City should have its anti-terror funds slashed by 40 percent--from $207.5 million in 2005 to $124.4 million in 2006.

The formula did not consider as landmarks or icons: The Empire State Building, The United Nations, The Statue of Liberty and others found on several terror target hit lists. It also left off notable landmarks, such as the New York Public Library, Times Square, City Hall and at least three of the nation's most renowned museums: The Guggenheim, The Metropolitan and The Museum of Natural History.

The form ignored that New York City is the capital of the world financial markets and merely stated the city had four significant bank assets.

New York City is home to Chase, JP Morgan, Citi Group, The New York Stock Exchange, The Commodities Exchange, American Express, George Soros funds, Michael Gabelli's funds, Lazard Frere and Salomon Brothers, to name just a few of the more prominent banking interests located there.

The formula did note a commuter population of more than 16 million around the city twice struck by fundamentalist terrorists and twice more targeted in plots halted in pre-operational stages. It noted the more than eight million residents and the largest rail ridership in the nation - more than five million. It is those commuters and rail riders who are expected to suffer most from the cuts since mass transit is listed on most DHS alerts as the top terror target. (Click here for the Strategic Threat Document obtained by ABC News.)

The report lists as classified "visitors of interest destination city," immigration cases, suspicious incidents and FBI cases. New York City is home to the largest FBI field office in the country, which actively monitors 24/7 the Iranian Mission.  The city has also had the most significant terror trials in the nation and is home to one of the largest air hubs in the nation.

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create your own personalized map of the USA

Hmm, I need to get cracking on the upper New England States.  And Alaska.
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Where in San Francisco can someone get really good sushi?  G and I are celebrating our birthdays while we're out there by skipping dinner here and going for something good!  He wants sushi...any ideas??
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G's aunt had her baby this morning at 9:30 and it's a girl!!!

Mia was born by C-section, mostly because she was 10 pounds, 6 ounces!!! Now THAT is a big baby. [edited to add per email from G] 22 inches of pure Antonis butterballness!

She also has jet black hair and apparently adorable chubby cheeks.

I can't wait to meet her!!!

Congrats to the happy family!!! =)
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Well...she's done it again.

Britney is preggo with kid #2. Let's see what fun new ways she has of screwing up this kid.

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This is how it works: Comment on this entry and get a letter, if you want a letter.
Write ten words beginning with that letter, including an explanation of what the word means to you and why.

I got L from [profile] Off we go...

  1. Linguine- I love pasta.  LOOOOOOOVE it.  I am all about the Italian food.  My favorite resturant is Pasta Plus in Laurel. 
  2. Lynn - My middle name.  Awwww.  I'm cute.
  3. Laughing - I like to laugh.  I like people who crack me up.  Since I am easily amused, I tend to laugh a lot and hang around with people who amuse me.  Good times.
  4. Logistics - One of my majors at UMD.  Actually, the whole name is "Logistics, Transportation, and Supply Chain Management."  LTSCM.  That and marketing.  I LOVED learning about the Transportation side of stuff.  The rest of it...not so much.
  5. Legs - I have long legs.  I have problems finding jeans that fit me.  I also was on crutches for six months in college because I had stress fractures in both of my legs from playing volleyball too hardcore.  That was no fun.
  6. Laryngitis - I talk a lot.  A lot.  But I only lose my voice when it's really super allergy-y outside.  I think that makes [profile] ccohoon sad.  I think he'd like me to talk less. ;)
  7. Louisiana - One of the few states I haven't been to.  Actually, there's still quite a few (well, maybe 20ish), but one day, I will visit them all.  It's one of my life goals.
  8. Late - I am usually late to things.  I can't help it.  It's genetic.  My mom operates on her own special time.  We can't figure it out.
  9. Lump - I just tripped over my phone cord and smashed into the window sill.  I now have a giant lump on my arm that I am pretty sure it going to bruise.  I just put ice on it.  DAMN it hurts.  I am pretty clumsy (My Mom likes to tell me that she should have named me Grace - haha) so I often get lumps from tripping, falling, or just randomly walking into walls. 
  10. Lily - I have a peace lily in my office that G gave me as a surprise gift one day.  I haven't killed it in two years, which is a good thing.  In fact, it got so big that I had to transplant it into two pots.
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I think it would be interesting to account for this guys expense receipts after he interviewed prostitutes...

German sex industry expects a boost from World Cup
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1. A song by a Beatle/the Beatles:
Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da (Thanks to Orlando's wedding mix cd, I can enjoy this song all the time!)

2. A song featuring piano as the main instrument:
Nightswimming by REM

3. A song with a woman's name in the title:
Annie Waits by Ben Folds Five

4. A song with a man's name in the title:
Johnny Angel - Shelley Fabares

5. A song about money:
Money, Money, Money by ABBA

6. A song with weather in the title:
It's Raining Men by The Weather Girls

7. A song with parentheses in the title (these are parentheses):
Dress You Up (In My Love) by Madonna

8. A song made by a punk band:
Addicted by Simple Plan

9. A song with the word "song" in the title:
Your Song by Elton John

10. A song you love so much you stop and listen whenever you hear it:
Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson
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Giant Madagascar Hissing Cockroach Brooch

Here's the info on it:

A little information on our little friends. These insects come in varied patterns and are decorated with the finest Austrian Swarovski crystal. Each roach takes about an hour of painstaking work to achieve his final magical glory. All roaches are male to ensure sterility, and come complete with a leash set. This consists of a gorgeous pin you attach to your clothing with a chain that clasps to the cockraoch's carapace to keep him from running amok. The lifespan of these animals is approximately one year if housed and fed properly. This is not a guarantee, it is an estimate. Roaches love fresh bananas and must have access to fresh water at all times, a very damp paper towel or cotton ball will do the trick. Dehydration is the main cause of death. Keep him in a little terrarium in the dark and he will love you and be very responsive to your touch. Roaches are shipped overnight in a box and can be kept in this box for up to 4 days without food or water while you secure him more hospitable accommodations.


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TomKat have TomKitten

Weirdness involved in this (aside from them and all the Scientology crap): Brooke Shields has her baby the same day, in the same hospital, down the hall.  It's also a girl (Grier) and she also weighed 7 pounds and was 20 inches.  If you remember the drama with Tom attacking Brooke for writing a book about post-partum depression and saying that women should get psychiatric help.
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Well, I wasn't supposed to be back until Thursday, but things went differently then we thought they would yesterday, so I am back today already!

This was a good weekend. (Well, except for one thing. We found out my 17 year old cousin is in the hospital because both of his lungs collapsed. The doctors basically have no idea what happened to the kid. They did emergency surgery on Saturday and stapled his lungs together--I think--and he's in the ICU right now. We have NO idea what his prognosis looks like. It's scary....) After I had lunch with David on Friday, I headed over to The Boy's house. We ran some errands together and then went to dinner at Red, Hot and Blue (YUMMMMMMMMM) before stopping at BlockBuster on the way home. We got "Hercules" (Disney version) to watch with his sis, who was one hurting puppy on Friday night. I got a GORGEOUS pair of opal earrings to match my necklace from two years ago, which was so sweet of him.

On Saturday I packed up stuff and headed home to mom and dad's house. G and Jes joined us for dinner, then G and I made a very "Trading Spaces" ottoman for my living room that I think is super cute. I couldn't fit it in my car today with everything else, so I'll have to get it tomorrow, but I will take pictures so everyone else can see the cuteness, too. ;) We also dyed Easter eggs, which turned out awesome. Those pictures will also be posted soon, hopefully!

Sunday G met Jes and I at church, while mom and dad sang in the choir. After church, we headed over to Deale for brunch with my dad's friends. Then it was back home to open our Easter baskets, then off to Balmer for Easter dinner with my mom's friends.

Yesterday I had off from work, so I was home. When my morning plans got changed, mom and I decided to go SHOPPING! We met up with KT and Miss Heidi and found KT's prom shoes and then went a bunch of other places. I took them to lunch at Chipotle, which was the first time any of them had ever had it, and they really liked it. We spent the rest of the night at Miss Heidi's eating yummy food and hanging out, which was fun.

Today I am back at work, but since I was prepared to not be here, I don't really have anything to do! I have a group coming in tonight, but I don't need to be here since everything is all set for them to let themselves in. I've discovered that when you work for a church, the week before a church holiday is slow because everyone is prepping for it and the week after is slow because everyone is recovering from it! But that can be nice, since I don't have to worry about being crazy busy today.
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A public service announcement for those of us in the DC metro area:

Apparently today is FLAMING IDIOT driver day.

You have now been warned.
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These past few days have been busy, but not how I thought they would.

On Tuesday I headed over to Cohoon's house for mad-crazy-funness and that's exactly what I got. Awesome!! The part that was unexpected was that there was NO traffic on I-95. The Beltway was much better than it normally is and I flew down 95, so I got to his house in 40 minutes. At 6pm on a Tuesday. Without speeding. Nice!

On Wednesday, I was planning on leaving work a little early to run some errands on my way home before going to Mom and Dad's house for dinner. Well, my mom called and said my cousin had found some prom dresses and could I please come and help her pick one out? So I left even earlier and went to the mall to meet my mom and check them out. We weren't thrilled with the ones she had found alraedy, so we tried on about 18 others. No joke. We finally found one that she is GORGEOUS in and then headed back to her house for dinner. While I was there, G called and said his sister had been in an accident and was at the hospital. ... Gah. I ended up skipping volleyball and heading over to their house to check in with everyone. She's ok--she has whiplash and is wearing a neckbrace, but no broken anything and x-rays look ok. Her car is totaled, though, which is a bummer. Thank God she's ok...that family doesn't need any more stress. After I made sure everyone was set, I headed back to my mom and dad's house.

I stayed at their house last night becuase I was sitting in on an 8am class this morning on the economics of poverty and David spoke to the class. After class, my sis and I went out for yummy breakfast at the bagel place and then on my way to my car I stopped in to see my old boss and ended up there for about an hour. I finally got back to work...and I had no email or phone calls to deal with. (The week before Easter, no one in a church is thinking of a summer mission trip!) So, another slow day for me here, but that's ok!

SWEET!!! I just found out that I have off tomorrow for Good Friday. I love working for the church!!!! =)

Also, that's most exciting because tomorrow is a big day--three years for G and I. Aww. We're so cute. ;)

Anyway, I will be out of my office until next Wed. or Thurs. so have a great Easter and I'll update when I get back! =)


Apr. 12th, 2006 11:29 am
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Winne the Pooh got a Hollywood Star!


Apr. 11th, 2006 04:11 pm
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"This is our team," declared Lynette Jackson, 50, of D.C., who called in sick to her job with the federal Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services so she could attend the game with her family. "I called in to ask for leave and didn't tell them why."

Well, let's hope no one at her work reads the Washington Post!


Apr. 11th, 2006 03:32 pm
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I am bored at work.

Somebody entertain me.

No memes floating around out there?


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